Little Boy Broke

Im going home for spring break. Im happy. Ive never done that before. I get to go and my mom promised to bake with me. Ill make cookies!

And my mom said people can come visit. Im in Alaska and its not as cold as people think. And my room is colorful. And I have bunkbeds. You can sleep in the top.

Were going to start a garden. Its going to be pretty with lots of food growing. I like having food. It cant go away. Were growing carrots and eggplant and peppers.

I went home for my birthday. It was lots of fun on Friday. And no played any jokes on me. It was really fun. My mom and dad were happy to see me. Mom made a cake.

Dad bought me a music stand. I can bring it to Idris. Now I can play music by myself. And he bought me gloves that dont have fingers. I can play flute in winter outside now.

My mom made me a sweater. Its knitted and warm and soft. And it's blue. And she got me a shirt with a mouse with wings. Its pretty.

This is the best.

And my old mom didnt call at all. My mom said thats good.

Im so stupidstupidstupid.

Hua, I need to get rid of the plants. stupid Im sorry. I love them but it hurts people.

[Private to Self]

.. I need to call my mom.

I need to call her right now.

I cant find my phone.

[/Private]

I cant find my phone. I need my phone.

My room is still full of plants! Im taking care of them and they're really pretty.

I think I like gardening. Its pretty and it smells good. Dirt smells good.

My mom says shell send me seeds. But I dont know what kind of seeds to grow. I like flowers but I cant eat them. I like having extra food.

And my dad said I should bring friends home when its my birthday! He said I can bring as many as I want just this one time. And mom will make cake. And ice cream. And we can play games. And watch movies.

Ive never had a birthday party before. My mom and dad are really nice.

( Private to Self )

I really like the library with all the plants. Its fun to read in there. I dont want them to clean it!

I really like the snow.

My mom was happy when she heard we had snow here. She says its like home that way. And I like sliding on the ice. I'm not good at ice skating, but its fun in shoes

My dad sent me new music to learn for my flute. Because I'm not in band. I'm just playing alone and he says that playing alone means I need lots more music.

I forgot about Valentines Day! I just got a box of chocolate. My mom forgot to ship it early. But I got it.

If you want chocolate, you can come to my room. I have lots. She sent lots of bags and boxes so I could share. And its all too sweet. And she got me hearts! Theyre sour sugar and crunchy and I like them a lot. I have lots of boxes.

And she gave me a recipe for honey-roasted carrots. Im gonna make them someday.

It was scary being little again. I had forgot what it was like. Everything was huge.

Im glad to be me again, like this. Being small wasnt safe here. Everyone is big. And lots of people.

I didnt remember anything. I was worried about things I dont think about now. Scared of things...

Im glad I got found. Thank you.

[Private to self]

Scary.

Has nightmares.

Mommy says be careful and talk.

Dont know who to talk with.

I wet the bed before I woke up all grown up. Have to clean up.

[/Private]

Im going home for New Years. My mom asked me and I said yes. And she promised me a new song just for me. Im really excited. We get to jump over a fire. Mom says its because its like burning all the bad stuff last year. Dad says its just good luck. I cant wait to try!

They said I can bring a friend. Does anyone want to come?

This is exciting!

My mom sent me an MP3 player with a video on it! She said is was special, just for me.

My dad sent my the music for it. So I can play it.

Maybe Ill go home for the new year... Idris wont go anywhere. I hope.



Merry Christmas!

Wow. Shopping is tiring. And hard. I dont think I got lots of good gifts. But I found things!

I dont think I got enough gifts.

Ill get more for people after Christmas.

Im so excited!

[Private to Dylan]

Are you okay?

[/Private]

My mom and dad gave me money. I can buy presents! I dont have to just make cards.

... Ive never bought gifts before. I dont know what to get. How do you know? Im not sure what to get now.

This is kind of scary.

Im so happy to be back! I missed Idris and people so much.

( Broken: Fixable? )

I dont like my room now.

I dont know...

My doctor says its normal. I hurt a lot. She said its in my head. But she used a big word. I dont know the word.

I cant sleep. I dont know what to do.

I heard a lion last week. I dont like that. I smelled a lion. She was in the hall. I forgot where I was. I thought I was home somewhere else in danger home.

I dont like home.

I dont like my room.

Its quiet.

its quiet and cold.

I have peumon... pemoni... pumonea a lung sickness. Im coughing a lot. It hurts. But I have medicine. And medicine so I dont dream but I sleep. I like sleeping. Its good. I dont remember. Im not lonely. Im not sad. Kae isnt there but I dont remember.

[Private to Kae]

Why did you go? Where are you? I miss you.

We were friends.

Please come back.

I want to be friends. I thought we were. I thought it was easy.

[/Private]

Im here. I was in the forest. I didnt know what to do. Kae left. He didn’t say goodbye.

Its scary. I miss him.

[Private to self]

Im stupid.

[/Private]

Im in Hong Kong. Its very bright here. There are lots of colorful lights. And I got lots of presents from Tory. Hes very nice. I have lots of candy and toys. I have two stuffed mouses now. And lots of shoes. And a coat. Its very warm.

I like Christmas.

I have to make another card.

But I like all my things. Thank you. Im happy to have things. And bright shoes. I have a pair that light up! And I got lots of food. Lots of carrots and chips and crackers and peppers! Its good.

[Private to Kaevan]

Im sorry I couldnt stay. I wanted to stay. Im stupid so stupid. I want to learn how to climb trees. You said its safe. I like safe.

[/Private]

Im not opening anymore of my presents. There are ants all around.

Why did someone give me ants? I dont like ants. Ants can bite. And ants eat food.

I dont want to get in trouble. But there are ants in my room. Im sorry Viktor.

[Private]

Im so stupidstupidstupidstupid. No one gives me presents. Why would they? Stupid. Ants all over the room. Stupid. Dumbfuck. That was bad. That was so stupid.

[Private]